


around

by satendou



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Heavy Angst, Insecurity, Post-Break Up, alcohol use, mentions of cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:26:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27057166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satendou/pseuds/satendou
Summary: how you and osamu find your way back to each other
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Reader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 133





	1. roundabout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> osamu leaves you and learns the hard way how much you meant to him

_“You’re telling me,” you said, leaning back against the counter as you stared at Osamu, “that you’re breaking up with me so you can get back with your ex? That’s the gist of this right?”_

_He looked off to the side, crossing his arms in front of him before nodding. Coward._

_From the outside, anyone would think this was just another casual conversation. Dinner simmered on the stove beside you, the smell soured in the wake of his words._

_“Look, ’m sorry. I didn’t mean–” he started, still inspecting the floor as if he were expecting it to offer support as he broke your heart, but you snorted, stopping him._

_“You know, I don’t really think I wanna hear this. I mean, you didn’t mean to hurt me? Is that it? Miya, you can’t_ break up with someone _for your fucking ex and expect it_ not to hurt _,” you said, and the amusement in your voice shook him._

_His usually lazy brown eyes were wide as he watched you turn your back to him, stirring the food before it burnt. You weren’t reacting the way he had thought you would, but then he supposed he hadn’t known what to expect when he came in planning to break up with you. He was ashamed to admit a part of him had hoped for tears, with you begging him to stay. Annoying him would have made it made it so much easier to walk out the door._

_But your quiet acceptance was a blow he hadn’t prepared for, and it made him feel even scummier for doing it to you._

_And he deserved that._

_“You can get your stuff out, if you’re ready,” you said, turning the burner off. Covering it with a lid, you moved the pan off the coils and pulled out your phone, checking the time. Your best friend should have been home by then, and you texted her to tell her that you would be coming by. “I’ll leave for a while. I don’t wanna see you when I get home, so make sure you’re gone.”_

_The tightness in your chest increased as you slid your shoes on. It had only been thirty minutes since you got home and now you were leaving again. You refused to cry in front of him– he didn’t deserve that from you._

_There was a petty voice inside of him, itching to pick a fight as you gathered up your wallet and keys, hand on the doorknob before turning back to him. His chest felt like it was on fire, hands balled into fists at his side as he stood in the living room watching you. The way you acted so callously made him wonder if you even cared._

_“You can leave your key on the table,” you said, gesturing vaguely towards the coffee table._

_And then you were turning the doorknob and Osamu took a step forward, heart hammering as a question tumbled out of his mouth. It wasn’t a fair question and it was selfish, he knew that, but your coldness was killing him and he had to know._

_“You don’t seem to care, _____. Did you even love me?”_

_Your laugh was cold and empty and the tears stung your eyes against your will, and when you turned back to look at him he finally saw the agony in your eyes._

_“Of course I did. Did you?”_

_And just like that the door closed on him, on you, and on your relationship._

You hadn’t heard from him since that, so why was his name lighting up the notifications on your phone? You pondered that question as you stirred your coffee, trying to ignore the sting of hope in your chest as you read his text. It was…strange, like he was dancing around something under the pretense of being polite.

_‘Hey, I know you probably don’t wanna hear from me but Atsumu mentioned you got that promotion at work, so I just wanted to congratulate you. I know how hard you worked for it.’_

It was stiff and polite, all proper grammar and punctuation, so unlike how he usually was– or rather– how he used to text you. You quirked a brow, wondering what he would care for anyway.

Screenshotting it, you sent it to Atsumu and to your best friend, both with a thinking emoji.

Atsumu responded with a shrug, but you knew he knew more than he was letting on. He was clearly trying to keep something from you, but you ignored the urge to pester him about it. You were still trying to heal from the breakup and getting involved in Osamu’s business would do nothing to help.

Miyu, on the other hand, sent several unfriendly emojis and a particularly violent meme, asking what the hell his problem was, and you smiled. Turning back to the window, you set your phone down on the table and sipped your drink, enjoying the cloudless summer day.

–

Osamu looked at his phone for the umpteenth time as he sat across from Kana, who was buried in her own phone while she giggled, before locking it and setting it down on the table. He turned to watch the people bustle up and down the street, trying to ignore the dashed hope sitting like a rock in his gut.

–

The next text came a few days later while you were lounging in the tub, waiting for Miyu and your other friend Hanaka to show up for a girl’s night. They had been a source of immeasurable comfort over the last few months and you were beyond grateful.

Your phone dinged and you picked it up, expecting to see an arrival text, but once again Osamu’s name flashed, causing you to frown.

It was an apology text this time, for his previous text, and you opened it to read it in full.

_‘Hey, I’m sorry about the other day. I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to message you. I’m the last person you want to hear from, and I know that, but you deserved that promotion. I hope you have a good night.’_

Same stiff and formal text, and you pursed your lips before locking it again. You really should have just blocked his number but, even as your finger hovered over the button, you couldn’t bring yourself too. The irrational part of your brain liked that he was still thinking about you and the petty part just liked leaving him on read.

Later, when you were out of the tub and Hana was in the middle of painting your toenails, you brought it up, showing them the message.

“Trouble in paradise?” Hanaka snickered, carefully laying a french tip across your toe. 

Miyu, on the other hand, snorted, glaring at the text on your screen. “Serves him right. We all knew Kana was a terrible person. I bet she’s cheating on him now and that’s why he’s texting you again.”

That thought made you frown, and Hana spoke up as she set your foot down on the floor again. “It isn’t your fault, _____. He made his decision, he has to live with it. I guess you should just consider yourself lucky that he broke it off with you before he did anything with her. I’ll give him credit for that.”

Miyu blew on her nails, her tone softer as she said, “Yeah, but he’s still an idiot. But I know that look, _____. You should be careful. Is he gonna run back to you and then leave you again the minute Kana begs him to come back?”

You had been hovering over the keyboard in his messages, considering a reply, but her words struck a chord in you and instead you locked your phone, muting it and putting the messages– and Osamu– out of your mind for the rest of the night.

–

Osamu sighed as he watched Kana getting ready to go out. She wandered around the bedroom in a sequined dress and heels, her hair done up and makeup applied, just hunting for her wallet.

She let out a triumphant noise when she located it and turned to look at Osamu, giving him a coy smile. “Bye, ‘Samu. Love you, don’t wait up.”

He hadn’t been invited out that night, and he checked his phone again, discovering a text from Atsumu inviting him to dinner with the Jackals, and he grabbed his jacket with a sigh.

You had left him on read again that night.

–

At work a few weeks later, you received a text from Atsumu, asking if you had decided if you were going to go to a party they were throwing in celebration of several people getting signed onto the national volleyball team. It was that weekend and you had yet to decide, knowing that Osamu and Kana were going to be there.

Hana peered over your shoulder at the text and hummed. “I…kinda think you should go. You shouldn’t distance yourself from the rest of them because of him. They’re _your_ friends too.”

She was right. Of course she was right. They had been supportive of you after the breakup as well, with Sakusa even texting you– because Atsumu and Bokuto told him to, of course– that he didn’t want you to “leave the friend group” because of Osamu.

You sucked your lip between your teeth, nibbling the skin as you thought about it. As if you hadn’t been doing that for days anyway, mulling over the pros and cons of going but never reaching a solid decision. Ultimately, you locked your phone after telling him you would have a decision by the end of the night. It was the best you could do, and Hana returned to her own desk shortly after that.

You were in the middle of eating dinner when you received your third text from Osamu and read it with a mouthful of noodles.

_‘You shouldn’t distance yourself from the others because of me. I won’t bother you, so tell Atsumu yes. He’s driving me insane.’_

You couldn’t help but snicker at that, knowing Atsumu was still pissed about what happened between the two of you. He had called you not long after Osamu told him what he had done, going on a tirade about how his brother was a piece of trash and he was there if you needed to talk.

He could hear that you had been crying and his heart went out to you, but you had told him you needed to go. It had been a while before you looked at him without flinching or hanging up the phone after only a minute, and you had apologized profusely for it. But he understood– one of the troubles with being a twin was when one was a bastard, the other got in trouble for it too.

You hadn’t held it against them when they forgave Osamu, though Atsumu assured you it was only after cold-shouldering him for a month to let him know they were _not_ happy. None of them ever liked Kana, and had even thanked you when you seemed to revive Osamu after she left him the first time.

None of them could have guessed he would pull something like that on you, though.

Your fingers hovered over your keyboard before you finally replied with a simple thanks.

–

Osamu’s phone lit up and he glanced at it, his hands occupied with molding rice balls, and he almost dropped it back into the bowl when he actually saw your name on his phone.

It was only one word, but something in him eased when he saw it.

He smiled as the screen shut off again, then it fell as he remembered he was going to the party with Kana.

–

The evening of the party, you met up with Hanaka and Yuki outside the club. The team had gone to extremes, renting out a whole _club_ for the party. The music was thumping when you got inside and with the lights down low, you could hardly make out anyone inside.

Yet somehow, Bokuto was still able to pick you out, calling your name loudly over the low beats and pushing his way through the crowd to pick you up in a strong hug. Hana and Miyu smacked his arms as he wrapped them up as well, then you were being led towards the open bar along the wall.

“I’m so glad you came, _____,” Atsumu yelled when he saw you with Bokuto. He was quick to pull you into a hug, kissing the top of your head. You could tell he had already been drinking and he was quick to fix up your favorite drinks, pushing them into your hands. “We’ve really missed you, you know?”

You had to yell to be heard over the music and gave it up after a few minutes, letting him and Bokuto guide you out onto the dancefloor. Pinned between Miyu and Hana, you let yourself get lost in the music and the sway of their bodies against yours. There were more people than you expected there and, when your drink ran out, you had to push your way through the crowd to get to the bar again.

The room was hot, the alcohol coursing through your body only serving to make you warmer. You passed Atsumu, who was wrapped around someone you had never met before. He smirked at you and you rolled your eyes.

As you made yourself a new drink, you casually looked around the club, taking in the familiar faces that you could actually make out. The flashing lights were wreaking havoc inside of your buzzed brain, everything taking on a fuzzy haze even when you tried to concentrate. 

Your heart fell from your chest down into your stomach when you caught sight of Osamu making his way towards the bar.

He was looking over his shoulder at something and froze when he turned back around, locking eyes with you. His lips parted and you could see the surprise evident on his face, his lazy eyes widening a little more as his steps quickened. 

Then he stopped. His whole demeanor changed, his eyes darkening as a frown marred his handsome features. You knew him well enough to recognize the guilt etched into his features, his shoulders hunching as he tried to sink in on himself. You gave him a little wave, your heart thumping in your chest.

In the weeks after the breakup, you had locked all the photos of him in a vault app and let Hanaka put the passcode on it to keep you out of it. When she asked why you didn’t just delete them, you expressed a hope that one day you would be able to look back on them without hurting, and you would know then that you were healed. She seemed to understand and her nails tapped the screen of your phone as she input a password.

Not seeing his face and not thinking about him had obviously dulled your memories because the sight of him felt like a punch to the gut. 

If you thought he was surprised before, it was nothing compared to how he looked when you actually waved at him. Your heart was pounding, blaming the alcohol on your reaction. If you expected him to take that as permission to approach, you weren’t sure if you were relieved or upset that he didn’t.

He hovered in the space between you, looking between you, the bar, and the crowd. Your anxiety eased the longer it remained between you, relief overwhelming the unwanted hope that bubbled in your stomach. Clearly he meant it when he said he wouldn’t bother you, and you gave him another small wave before disappearing into the crowd with your drink.

He watched you go with a forlorn expression, guilt eating at his insides all over again, but he was happy that you seemed well enough. You had acknowledged him, which was the last thing he had expected after the cold goodbye you left him with that night.

“Osamu,” a voice said from behind him, and he turned to look at Kana behind him. She was stunning as usual, her hand warm on his arm. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head in answer, glancing at where you had disappeared amidst the gyrating bodies. If Kana knew that you were here and that Osamu had seen you, she would get extremely pissy and jealous, which was the last thing he felt like dealing with. On top of _that_ , he knew that Kana would go out of her way to find you. She was spiteful like that, even though you had done nothing to either one of them.

“Nothin’, babe. Just got a little dizzy. I’ll get yer drink, just go back to the table,” he said, pulling his arm from her grasp. If she noticed how cold he was, she said nothing about it as she returned to the group– of _her_ friends.

None of _his_ friends had joined them and, since you were in the middle of them, he couldn’t either. As much as he wanted to be with them, he would keep his promise to you, keeping out of your way to let you have fun.

With one last glance around, he returned to his table to find Kana and most of the others gone. The ones that were left kept glancing from him to the dancefloor and whispering.

He sighed and picked up the drink, downing it on one long breath before falling back against the booth seat. Staring into his now empty glass, he wondered about all the choices he made up until then.

–

You woke up the next morning with a wicked hangover, the room still spinning even after several hours of sleep. Rolling over to pick up your phone, you found there were a dozen text messages from the others, the group chat blown up with praise from the party and complaints about their hangovers that morning, but that wasn’t what caught your attention.

There were a series of texts from Osamu and your eyebrows raised higher and higher as you read them, your heart hammering away in your chest.

_‘i know i keep texting u nf i don’t jnoq wh y’  
‘u look e d goo tonogjt’  
‘it’s funny’  
‘i thin kksna is cheating on m e’  
‘not that u shuld care right’  
‘atymi thunks im an idipt anf he’s right’_

_‘i miss you’_

The timestamps between the first five and the last one was almost an hour’s difference and you were just starting to process them when another text slid in. It was short, just one word, but it spoke volumes in the emptiness of your bedroom.

_‘sorry’_

You stared at it for a while longer, just processing everything you were feeling. There was a raging pain where your heart beat, threatening to come out of your chest every time it hit your ribs. You couldn’t think clearly, too many thoughts swirling, making your head throb in time with your heart. What had you done to deserve any of the things that had happened, were still happening to you?

You should’ve just blocked his stupid number because you wouldn’t be dealing with the confusing pain his drunken messages brought. A part of you wanted to believe him– a part you considered stupid but were unable to ignore. The Osamu you had known, had loved– still loved, much as you wanted to deny it– seemed to come out in those texts, and that was a dangerous thing.

Groaning, you rolled over onto your back, reading over the texts again. You were balancing on a tightrope of emotions, dangerously close to giving into the desire to reply.

The typing bubbles showed up again, stopping and starting and stopping again for almost a minute. You held your breath, wondering what he was typing.

_‘i’m sorry. i keep messaging you even though i told ya i’d leave ya alone. but i can’t help it. ik what i did was stupid and whta i’m doing now is even dumber but dammit’_

You locked your phone even as the bubbles popped up again to roll out of bed, hearing it ping from amidst your blankets as you stumbled towards the bathroom. Your ears were ringing, your head was throbbing, and now your heart was pounding with nerves. You dug through your medicine cabinet for aspirin, listening to your phone go off for a third time.

You couldn’t handle it, whatever he was doing or trying to do, leaving your phone on your bed as you went to the kitchen. Starting up a pot of coffee, you hovered over the sink, sitting somewhere between throwing up and not. You startled yourself when a sob ripped from between your lips.

Sinking down to the floor, you leaned back against the cabinets, wrapping your arms around your knees as you cried. Your tears spilled over your arms and ran down your legs, your nose stuffing up and running. It was several long minutes before you finally quieted, the sound of the coffee pot beeping filling the silence that followed. Your ears were ringing again as the room spun, the nausea from earlier welling up tenfold with the increase in your headache, and you ran to the bathroom.

“Goddammit,” you muttered, your sinuses on fire. After rinsing your mouth out with water, you gulped down a second glass, staring at your disheveled appearance in the mirror. “What should I do?”

You were not about to get in between whatever was going on with Osamu and Kana, but the soft spot you still harbored for him was almost too loud to ignore. Digging your phone out from your sheets, you found 2 more texts from him.

_‘i know i don’t deserve your forgiveness. i don’t know what to do’  
‘i don’t know what i want from this but please’_

You groaned and unlocked your phone, holding your head in your hands as you stared at the screen. Tears stung your eyes again, your mouth dry as you typed your reply back and then called Hana.

_‘I’m sorry, Osamu. I can’t help you.’_

–

You still didn’t block him after that. The part of you that still cared was worried for him and you wanted him to be able to reach you if he actually _needed_ you. After making Hana promise not to tell anyone else what he had said in his texts, you talked it out, explaining the myriad of feelings that were impossible to sort out. She praised you for being strong and not giving into him, remind you he had made the decision to leave you, not the other way around.

You had cried some more before then deleted the thread of messages again, unable to stand the temptation to look at them again. Things were, for lack of a better word, fine after that. You settled back into your post-Osamu routine, trying not to dwell on his pitiful messages or be reminded of him by mundane things. Atsumu didn’t mention anything new happening, so you assumed he was still with Kana.

A month after that fiasco, he hadn’t texted you again. Some nights you laid awake, staring at your ceiling, trying to ignore the hope that he would and the temptation to message him first. Whatever Kana was or wasn’t doing to him or behind his back wasn’t your problem _or_ your concern, and you had to keep telling yourself that as you set your phone down on the nightstand that night.

Rolling over onto your side, you stared out the window through the small gap in the curtains, a small beam of moonlight filtering through and highlighting the empty side of the bed. If you closed your eyes, you could picture Osamu there, scrolling through his phone and laughing before showing you whatever it was. He always smelled so sweet and warm, like the confections he baked at his restaurant and you reached out to touch his pillow. It no longer smelled like him after so many months and a few tears fell, soaking into your own as you recalled how he would look at you. It was always filled with so much softness and warmth before he would pull you in close, resting his chin atop your head.

You didn’t even realize you had fallen asleep until there was a loud noise from somewhere in the apartment, causing you to jerk up into a sitting position, staring blearily at your door. Your eyes stung from your earlier crying, your skin still sticky from laying on your wet pillow. You rubbed at them while another round of _knocking_ rang through the unit.

Suddenly nervous, you tiptoed down the hall towards your front door, pausing until a voice came amidst another flurry of knocking.

“_____, please, let me in. I–I need ya.”

It was Osamu, and the whole room spun in the dark as you stood staring at the door, unable to process the whole situation. Your pulse was thundering in your ears, your fingers and toes going numb as panic shot through you.

There was more knocking, gentler this time, and then a soft thump.

You stumbled towards the door and swung it open, causing Osamu– who had apparently let his head fall to the door– to pitch forward, stumbling into your apartment.

“What are you doing here?” you whispered, watching him catch himself from falling. He stood up straight and ran his hands through his hair, eyes wide and frantic in the soft light from the hallway.

“I don’t know. I didn’t know where else to go– Kana confessed to cheatin’ finally and I left and just– ended up here,” he said, falling to the couch. You turned on the light and stood there, uncomprehending.

“You could have gone to Atsumu’s or– or Bokuto’s or– literally _anywhere else_ ,” you said, still standing by the lightswitch.

Osamu groaned, raking his fingers through his hair again before lacing his fingers behind his head. His face was hidden in his arms, knuckles white with tension. “I know, I know but I– I know it’s fucked up but I wanted to see _you_.”

The room fell into silence again, punctuated by Osamu’s heavy breathing while you lifted a hand to your mouth, staring first at him then down at your feet.

“Osamu, please, I can’t–” you whispered, and his head snapped up to look at you.

There was agony in his eyes as he tugged at his hair, standing up. You stepped backwards and met the wall as he advanced on you, hands raising as he came to stand in front of you, cupping your face. “I know, I know it isn’t fair. But I need ya to believe how much I missed ya. I made a mistake and I don’t know if I can ever make it up to ya. But you are the best thing that’s ever happened ta me, and I know that now. I should have known before, and ‘m sorry.” Tears were spilling down your cheeks as you stared up at him, lips parted as you sniffled, and he pressed on. “I’ve been thinking about ya everyday for months. Everything Kana did, I compared to you. How she dressed, how she cooked, how she talked, I couldn’t help it–”

“Then why did you leave? Why did you cheat on me with her, if you thought so highly of me?” you whispered. His thumbs rubbed at the tears, wiping them away slower than they were falling. You sounded so confused and hurt, shrinking in on yourself as he crowded you against the wall. He didn’t care if you kicked him out and told him to never bother you again, so long as he never had to see you like that again.

His throat closed up and he just stared, taking you in. Even crying, even hurting because of _him_ , you were beautiful. Every time he thought of you, it was the image of you walking out of the door and his life, eyes cold and devoid of the love you had once looked at him with.

“Because I’m an idiot. I know I am, I knew it the instant I let ya walk out the door. But I was too stupid, too damn _prideful_ ta ask ya to forgive me. And I’m a selfish bastard for asking ya now, but I _can’t stop thinkin’ about ya_ ,” he whispered, his hands sliding back into your hair. He tilted your head further back, eyes dipping down to your parted lips, but refrained from the intense urge to kiss you. He couldn’t, not until you said he could. “I’ll work everyday to make ya trust me again, I swear it, _____. I’ll prove to ya I love ya, just– please*.”

“I–” you whispered, wrapping your hands around his wrists. Did you want to push him away or pull him closer? The two sides warred with each other, causing you to just stand there in confusion as you stared up at him. His rich brown eyes were glittering, and you searched for any sign of dishonesty in them, but all you found were tears. “I don’t know, ‘Samu. What happens if Kana comes back? If she says she wants you again? How can I trust that you won’t do this to me again*?”

He was already shaking his head, black locks flouncing with the movement, his hand tightening on your cheeks. Panic warred with hope in his chest as he moved impossibly closer, pressing his body to yours as he said, “I promise, I promise, I won’t. I’m done with ‘er. I told ya, I’ve not stopped thinkin’ about ya since I left. I thought– I thought things would change once I settled down with ‘er but– they didn’t. Even when things were… _okay_ , it was always you. Maybe that’s why she cheated on me, I don’t know. It doesn’ matter ta me anymore, she can do what she wants. All I want is _you_.”

All your thoughts were swirling and colliding inside your head, overwhelmed by everything he was saying. Osamu was begging for your forgiveness, looking at you with such raw need and hurt that you couldn’t stop hope from blooming in your chest. But you tamped it down, not yet letting it take root. You couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ let yourself fall victim to it yet, not when you were still so unsure.

Reading the indecision in the way you looked away from him, he whispered, “I know it’ll take time, and I’m willin’ to earn ya back, I swear I am. But if ya don’t want to, I’ll understand. I’ll walk out that door right now and never bother you again.”

“You mean it? If I tell you to get out, you’ll go?” you asked, watching the pain flare up in his eyes, washing the hope away. His shoulders slumped and he nodded, his hands slipping free of your hair. The way he backed away from you, looking so lost, caused your heart to thump and you stepped forward, closing the distance again. “Osamu, I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay, please. At least for tonight, I want–”

 _I want to be wrapped up in your arms tonight, I want you to love me the way you did before, I want_ you, you thought, finally letting that hope blossom in your heart. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe you would change your mind tomorrow, maybe _he_ would change his mind tomorrow, but right then and there it didn’t matter.

 _Even if it’s only one last time_.

He groaned and dragged you forward, crushing you to his chest and enveloping you in his arms. The familiar smell of confections filled your nose and your legs trembled as he dragged you down the hall to the bedroom while you clung to him, hiding your face in his shirt as your heart raced. If it was a mistake to let him stay, then you were willing to pay the price come the morning, but it felt right as he fell to the bed with you.

He pulled you to his chest, pressing your nose into the column of his throat as he hid his face in your hair. It remained silent between the two of you, the only sound in the room the creaking of the ceiling fan and your quiet breathing as you processed each other’s presence.

“Will you be here in the morning?” you whispered when it grew to be too much. “If– If she* messages you, are you going to leave?”

Your heart skipped a beat when he pulled away and stared down at you. 

He took in your pale face in the faint moonlight, features pinched and drawn, eyes bright with fear. He rolled over onto his back and pulled you forward onto his chest, arm wrapping tight around your waist to keep you there. Into the dark, he whispered, “I know ya won’t believe me right now, but I’ll be here when ya wake up. I’ll go get my stuff from her place and go stay with ‘Tsumu while I figure out how I’m goin’ ta win ya back. I won’t let ya down again, _____.”

You continued to stare through the small gap in the curtains, listening to his heart beat erratically in your ear. You wanted to believe his words, wanted to believe you would wake up in his arms tomorrow morning, and hesitantly let yourself relax. It was a gamble, you knew that, in the same way you knew that if he was gone, you would fall apart all over again.

It was a stupid risk, but as your eyes closed, you let yourself believe in him, just one more time. 

He felt your breathing even out and carded his fingers through your hair as he stared up at the ceiling, holding your head to him as his heart filled with hope. He would prove he meant it, he would earn you back, and he would never, ever* put what he had with you at risk again. Rolling back onto his side, you tried to squirm away only to be pulled back into his arms. Unwilling to let you go, he chuckled when you grumbled before curling into him once more

He sighed as his eyes closed, soaking in the warmth and letting the familiar smell of _you_ envelop him as he fell asleep. Tomorrow you might change your mind, so he would hold you close while he could and let himself hope before it was ripped away from him for the final time.


	2. full circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> learning to trust again is a hard thing to do, if it’s even worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe

The next day, you wake up with a minor headache and surrounded by a confusingly familiar smell. It all slams back into place in a rush and your eyes pop open to find Osamu beside you, his arms wound so tight around you that you have no hope of escaping without waking him up, so you still. You spend an untold number of minutes just staring at him, his long lashes fluttering against his cheeks, eyelids twitching as he dreams. There are dark circles under his eyes and his lips are turned down in a frown. The longer you stare the more anxious you become, specific memories and revelations swirling around you confused mind.

Osamu showing up, admitting that Kana was cheating, admitting that he still loved you– the last one hurt the most and was the most _dangerous_. You had told yourself everyday since he left that he hadn’t loved you, because it had been easier than the alternative. Believing that he loved you but had loved her more was somehow worse, and suddenly you couldn’t stand laying there.

Pushing at his chest, you watched his eyelids flutter open, soft brown hazy with sleep. He blinked a few times, brows furrowing before he looked at you and panic overtook everything. It mixed with hurt, fear, and more confusion, and he let you pull away to sit up.

The two of you sat there in a tense silence for a few minutes, neither of you wanting or knowing how to broach the subject of how you ended up in this situation. You stared down at your lap, chewing on your lip as you picked at your nails while Osamu gazed up at the ceiling, his arm resting across his forehead.

The moment stretched to a breaking point, a taut line of things that needed to be said, and you took a deep breath.

“What’re you gonna do?” you asked, and felt him tense beside you.

He sighed, scrubbing his face with his hand as he said, “I guess I’m gonna go get my stuff from Kana’s. I need ta talk to ‘Tsumu about stayin’ with him fer a while.”

At the mention of going to her place, you froze, a myriad of thoughts bouncing around inside your head. “Alone?”

He knew what you were asking, could hear the unspoken question in your words. _What if you see her and change your mind?_

“I’ll get ‘Tsumu and Bokuto ta help me. Can’t move all my stuff alone anyway,” he said, reaching out to you. His fingertips came to rest on yours, a gesture of comfort and a promise.

_I’m coming back._

Well, it didn’t matter what he _said_. He would either keep his word or he wouldn’t, and there was nothing you could do about it.

You pulled away.

His face flashed with hurt and he rolled over, picking up his phone.

“You said Kana was cheating on you,” you said, and watched his eyes widen when the screen lit up. Against your better judgement, you leaned over to see. 

He didn’t even try to hide it, and your heart skipped a beat at the number of missed calls, voice mails, and text messages from Kana. The texts didn’t seem to surprise him, starting off with apologies and pleas for him to come back, slowly devolving over time into threats and curses. One in particular caught your attention and you looked away, your pulse thrumming in your ears as you mulled it over.

‘ _i know you’re with her. i knew you would run back to that bitch just as soon as things got tough. i saw you were texting her too, don’t think i’m stupid samu. but that’s okay, you’ll come back to me just like you did last time._ ’ 

That was the last message she sent at around 4am, a few hours after Osamu showed up at your door. 

Your fists curled into the blanket and you stared blankly at the door, a whole new flood of insecurity sweeping through you. She was probably right, you were just a backup, just like before. He would never love you the way–

“Hey, _____, don’t,” he whispered, his hands cupping your face and tilting your head up to look at him. “I told ya I’d prove it, and I will. Just give me a chance.”

What choice did you have, really? It had always been Osamu, and it always would be. He said jump and you asked how high.

He left soon after that, promising to call– if you wanted– once he was done getting his things. You nodded, watching him walk out the door with an impending sense of unease and a pounding heart, wondering if you could learn to trust him again. Following the soft _click_ of the door closing, you whipped out your phone and dialed Hana, who sounded none too pleased to be woken up at such an ungodly hour on the weekend.

At least until you told her why you were calling.

–

When Osamu called later, you could hear Atsumu and Bokuto whooping in the background and he sighed around his laughter at them. There was a shuffling noise over the line and what sounded like a door closing, then his soft voice was back, crackling as he said, “I know we got a lot ta talk about, so do ya wanna meet up for lunch? ‘Tsumu wanted to go over to Kana’s to rub it in ‘er face that I’m leavin’ ‘er so I’m–”

“Hungry, I know,” you said, laughing softly. “Aren’t you always?”

There was a beat of silence, then he laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, guess I am. So, food?”

That was how you found yourself sitting across from him in a hole-in-the-wall diner ten minutes from your apartment. The air was still thick between you and you kept stealing glances at him over the menu. He was still staring at the menu even though you _knew_ he already knew what he wanted.

The waitress came over to take your orders, and then there was nothing left to use as an excuse. But still, neither of you said anything, staring out into the rest of the diner or down at your fingers or up at the posters above your head– anywhere but at each other.

“I blocked Kana,” Osamu said, startling you from reading the back of the “house brand hot sauce” bottle in the basket. He would have laughed if his heart wasn’t in his throat.

The way you looked at him made him nervous because he couldn’t tell what you were thinking. Contrary to what you probably believed, he _did_ know you and, if he did say so himself, rather well at that.

Thanking the waitress when she set another glass of soda down beside you, you turned back to him. “How did it go, getting your stuff?”

He shrugged, swirling his straw around in his drink. The ice clinked against the glass, knocking beads of water loose to roll down the side, and you watched it pool at the base. “She wasn’t happy, I promise ya that. Screamin’ ‘n hollerin’. The neighbors were probably ready ta call the cops by the time we got outta there,” he said, lips curling in amusement. It was an empty gesture, devoid of mirth, and you responded with a frown.

“How– I mean, you said you knew Kana was cheating on you at– at Bo’s party, right? How did you know?” you asked, stumbling over the reminder of his garbled, drunk texts from that night. If the flush on his cheeks was anything to go by, he hadn’t forgotten that either.

“Ah, yah, sorry ‘bout that. Dunno why I– anyway, she was probably foolin’ around with him still even when we got back together.” Quieter, he whispered, “I was so stupid.”

It was hard for him to be so candid about the whole thing with you. It had to be hurting you and he would much rather spare you the sordid details, but he knew that open honesty was the only thing that was going to win you back– if it didn’t push you away first. So he would answer your questions and watch your face twist in disgust and pain, just hoping it wouldn’t be the final straw each time.

“How long? How long were you seeing her before–” You hesitated, pretending to examine an imperfection in the laminate table top. “Well, you know.”

His stomach twisted into knots as he hid his face in his hands. It hadn’t been long, but what did that matter when it happened in the first place?

“Not– Not long. Uh, about a month,” he said, muffled by his hands.

A month. It was like a sock to the gut. Only a _month_ and–

“A year. We’d been together for a year, had _moved in together_ not two months prior and you– and you– a _month_. Wow,” you whispered, raking your fingers through your hair. You didn’t even wince as you snatched the tangles out of it. The room was spinning as fast as your thoughts and tears burned at the corners of your eyes as you stood up suddenly, knocking the table closer to Osamu, who looked up at you in confusion. “I need air. I can’t do this.”

With those words you were gone, and the waitress approached the table a moment later, confusion etched on her face as she asked if he needed a box for your food.

He nodded, resting his head in his hands to stare down at the dull tabletop. He deserved that, he knew he did, and he didn’t have a right to be hurt by your reaction. It was warranted, it was valid, and he hated himself for it.

–

He texted you an apology later on, which you were kind enough to at least respond to, and he left it at that. He knew pushing you too far would do no good, would only push you further from him. He still checked his phone every few minutes anyway, so much so that Atsumu snatched it from his hand and sat on it.

“Stop yer mopin’, ‘Samu. She ain’t got nothin’ ta say to ya, so get over it,” he said, giving his twin a pointed look. He had told Osamu more than once what an idiot he was over this whole thing, and he would continue to say so until he died. You were a hundred times better than Kana had _ever_ been, had even tried to flirt with you at one point, but he had been erased from the equation as soon as Osamu had entered the picture.

He was a bit of a blindspot where you were concerned and Atsumu knew that you would forgive Osamu eventually– provided he kept his head out of his ass for more than ten minutes. He wasn’t about to tell his brother that though. He needed to suffer a little for hurting you.

Softening at the forlorn look on his face, Atsumu sighed. Quieter, he said, “Look, just give ‘er some space. Can’t believe _I_ have to give _you_ relationship advice, but that’s what happens when ya do stupid shit. Remind me why ya ever thought _Kana_ would be better’n _____ again?”

A pillow thumped him upside the head, knocking him over and the phone he was sitting on was snatched back. When he sat back up, Osamu was typing at light speed on his phone, the swoopy noise of a text sending out playing through the speakers, and then the phone was shoved in his face.

“Don’t ya know what dark mode is, ya pleb?” he grumbled, squinting at the brightness. Then he smiled and nodded, clapping Osamu on the shoulder. 

_‘i’ll give ya space, if that’s what ya need. i’m here when you’re ready to talk._ ’

A few minutes after they had returned to playing Madden, Osamu’s phone lit up again, his lips quirking up in a sad smile at what he read.

Atsumu leaned over to read the text and mirrored him, sympathetic brown eyes meeting with twin ones filled with pain, nodding. “It’s the best ya could hope for.”

‘ _Thank you, samu. I’ll talk to you later._ ’

–

“Are you _sure_ you want to do this?” Miyu asked, leaning against the kitchen counter. You were standing across from her, swirling a wine glass in your hand, staring at the rich red liquid. Your eyes were puffy from a bout of crying, which had started shortly after you left the diner. All but running, you had headed towards her apartment without hesitation and pounded on her door until she opened it, looking more than a little alarmed.

When you had spilled about everything that had happened over the last two days, she sat down on her couch and called him too many names for you to remember before leveling a glare at you.

“You’re gonna forgive him, aren’t you?” she asked, sighing when you looked away.

Falling to the couch beside her, you wiped your eyes clear of the residual tears as you stared up at the ceiling. “I really don’t know. I want to, but I’m scared. A part of me knows I shouldn’t but–”

“Yeah, yeah, but you love him. Typical romance movie garbage, I get it.” She sighed and mimicked your position. “What if he does it again?”

You bit the inside of your cheek to stifle the prickle of tears again and shrugged. “That’s like, the whole problem, isn’t it? Is it possible to trust someone again after they cheat?”

“Dunno. Never been cheated on before. Or…if I _have_ they hid it better. Yikes.”

You laughed at that and closed your eyes, a smile remaining on your face as you thought– about Osamu, about Kana, about the two of them, about the two of _you_. It was hard to imagine the two of you together again, the way you were before. There was a fracture in the very foundation of your relationship and you had to decide if it was worth trying to repair.

“He blocked her. He didn’t do that last time,” you said after a moment, and Miyu huffed beside you.

“Who are you trying to convince?” she asked, and you laughed again. More softly, she said, “Look, I know you love him, so I won’t be surprised if you go back to him. But I don’t wanna see you get hurt again like that. That was awful and I wanted to kill him. Just…I don’t know. Do you think you can learn to trust him again?”

That was the million dollar question. The next one was could you learn to live with the distrust that would be there even if you did forgive him? And for that matter, did you _want_ to?

The little voice in the back of your head whispered yes, yes, and yes– and it was a traitor.

All of that had led to where you were currently, leaning against her counter, sipping more cheap wine a week later while you stared down at his name in your phone.

Parting your lips, you thought better of answering, instead hitting the send button on your message, and she sighed.

“I really, really hope this doesn’t end badly.”

–

Osamu’s heart was in his throat as he walked into the restaurant you had suggested, giving your name for the reservation, and he was led to an empty booth. Before the waiter even came back with his drink, you showed up, dressed cute but casual, sliding into the seat across from him.

“Hi,” you said, and Osamu was pleasantly surprised by the shy smile you gave him. It reminded him of his first date with you all over again, when you hadn’t been able to look him directly in the eye. That was also the night the restaurant he had _intended_ to take you to had shut down due to health code violations and, when he mentioned going somewhere else, you had pointed out a popular food truck across the street. Dressed in nice clothes, you had ordered your food and found a bench, laughing at the mess you made as you ate and Osamu knew he was in deep right at that moment.

He smiled at that memory, eyes softening as he stared at you, and you tucked your hair behind your ear as you asked what he was thinking about.

“Our first date. We never did go back ta try that restaurant,” he answered, resting his head in his hand.

You laughed at that, open and light and it made his heart stutter in his chest.

Picking up the menu, you said, “Yeah because I didn’t feel like picking cockroaches out of my food, thank you very much.”

“They cleared it like, a month later. I’m sure it’s fine now,” he said, chuckling at the feigned grimace you gave him.

“No thanks, but I wouldn’t mind finding that food truck again,” you said, scanning the list of pastas.

The waiter returned a moment later and took your order, silence falling between you again when he left. Before, it wouldn’t have been awkward, and Osamu would have reached out to take your hand in his as you stared at each other. 

But that was no longer something he could do. So instead he said, “Thank ya for givin’ me a chance. I know I don’t–”

You cut him off, expression suddenly serious as you said, “I don’t know yet if you deserve it or not. That’s for me to decide. Osamu, if I so much as _think_ you’re talking to her again, I’m done. Completely and totally done. I can’t go through that again.”

There was something unsaid in your words, a ‘but’ lingering in the air, and he tilted his head as you bit your lip. “That’s totally fair, ya know? I said it before and I’ll keep sayin’ it ‘til I prove it, but I won’t hurt ya like that again, I swear it.”

Instead of responding to his words, you said, “I don’t want you to get your hopes up, ‘Samu. I’m not…sure if I can trust you again. I just want you to know that before things get too serious again.”

He nodded, but had to wait for the waiter to set your food down before he said anything more. Your words made him nervous, but at least you were _trying_. He couldn’t ask for anything more, could he?

“If– If that’s what ya decide is best for ya, I’ll understand. But I mean it, thank ya for tryin’ anyway,” he said when you were alone again. He gave you a half-hearted smile and you gave him your own shy one in return. 

He allowed himself, for that moment, to hope.

–

Over the course of the next few months, Osamu made it his mission to keep his word, so much so that even the others noticed.

Flowers and dates abounded, and he made an extra effort to see you whenever he could between classes. He kept seeing Kana around in the halls, and you would tense when you caught sight of her before glancing at him. Whenever she happened to pass, he made sure to keep his expression neutral or to smile at you, whichever he felt would be better.

She made an attempt to talk to him the first time she saw him after that, asking if she could speak to him in private. He could see the burning jealousy in her eyes as she stared at you, red painted lips quirking up just the slightest bit at the corners and he could see you were ready to panic.

When you tried to pull away from him, his grip on your hand tightened, drawing you behind him, placing himself in front of you as a shield as he snapped that she had nothing to say to either one of you. Your fingers curled in his shirt, hiding your face as people in the cafeteria stared.

 _Good_ , he thought as people started to whisper. A spectacle was exactly what he wanted, a public display to show you he was seriously _done_ with Kana and her shit. The way you looked at him when he pulled you into his arms just after that, tilting your head up to stare into your eyes as she stormed off, was an exasperated mixture of amusement and embarrassment, but you couldn’t force a smile.

She kept her distance after that and, though Osamu wanted to put on a show every time her eyes would alight on the two of you, he refrained. This wasn’t about _her_ , it was about _you_. So instead, he would squeeze your hand a little tighter and look at you, willing you to believe he only had eyes for you.

His attempts seemed to work.

Ever so slowly– so slowly he didn’t realize until it smacked him in the face one day– you stopped looking so alarmed whenever she came into view, squeezing his hand in a deathgrip before you would look to him. He rejoined _his_ group of friends for lunch and Friday nights out– or in, if that was what you all decided. Things felt right again, the warmth of your palm against his, fingers intertwined where they rested on your knee as you laughed along with something the others were talking about.

They seemed to have forgiven him too, at least after Miyu had chewed his ear off after cornering him one day. 

He was reminded, from time to time though, that things weren’t as perfect with you as they were before, and each time those reminders felt like a slap to the face. A well deserved slap, but it stung nonetheless. 

“Who…is that?” you asked, looking at the girl he had just parted from. He had been talking to her as he walked out of the classroom, smiling and laughing with her. For just a moment, paranoia and suspicion flooded your system. Your hands curled into fists, your heart pounding in your chest, causing Osamu to quirk a brow at your question.

He was confused by the wary look on your face and the glimmer in your eyes as you watched her walk down the hall– then it clicked. His usual go to would have been to tease you for being jealous, laughing it off but–

“Jus’ someone in a group for class. We have ta make this _huge_ presentation and she was askin’ for some help with an icin’ recipe. Said she jus’ can’t get it right an’ I offered– but I can pass it off ta someone else, if it–” he was rambling, his hands already cupping your face and guiding you to look back at him. He was already thinking of Hikaru when you shook your head.

“No, I– It’s alright, I guess. I don’t want to get in the way of your group project or anything,” you said, but even you could hear the insecurity in the words. You hated that something as innocent as this was enough to make you paranoid, but it was a reaction you couldn’t help.

Osamu shook his head, pushing your hair back off your face and leaning down to kiss your forehead. “No, it’ll make ya feel better. Hikaru has the same notes I do, so he can help ‘er. Why don’t we go get something to eat?”

You trailed along behind him, staring down at your intertwined hands and wondered, not for the first time, if you would ever feel secure in your relationship again. Every time you saw him with another woman it was like this, the paranoia and insecurity welling up and clouding what you believed. And every time, you would ask the same questions– who is she, how do you know her, what were you doing with her?

It was taxing and you thought each time that Osamu was going to finally throw it in. It had been months now and you still couldn’t trust him to do something as innocent as _talk_. 

Which was why it was a relief when guilt would flash in his eyes as he reassured you, pulling you into his strong arms, answering you without ire– it was the _only_ reason you could bring yourself to believe him. You never knew that learning to trust someone again would be so hard and you wondered how long it would take– if ever– for you not to flinch whenever you caught him with someone else.

“Hey, _____? Ya don’t have ta say it back, and I know ya won’t believe me just yet,” he said, breaking through your melancholic thoughts. He had pulled you to the side, a little ways down a mostly empty hallway. Crowding you against the wall, he was staring down at you with what might have been pain. “But I love ya, and I’m not gonna hurt ya again like that. I promise.”

His words were like a balm on the pain in your heart, soothing the ache that your insecurities brought on, and you nodded. Your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes, but you let him hold you for a moment as students moved around you, some giving you strange looks as they passed by.

When you pulled away, it was you who took his hand and rejoined the flow of students leaving the building, dragging him towards your favorite restaurant. 

Maybe, you decided, it wouldn’t be so hard to trust him, so long as he kept his promises this time.

–

The biggest milestone to Osamu was when you asked him one Friday evening if he wanted to come over instead of going out, and his room seemed to tilt 180 degrees. He was typing an agreement before he even realized it and launched himself off his bed. 

“Goin’ ta _____’s, don’ wait up,” he practically slurred as he passed through the living room.

Atsumu shared a glance with his flavor of the week after the door had shut, snickering at his expense.

When he knocked at the door twenty minutes later, you opened it and laughed.

“Did you run over here, ‘Samu?” you asked, staring at him bent over with his hands on his knees.

“M-Maybe,” he snapped back, grinning as he panted. When he had caught his breath, he stood up straight again and shot you a lopsided grin. “Why _wouldn’t_ I race over here ta spend the night with my pretty girlfriend?”

Your eyes widened a fraction, your smile falling a little, and he winced at his slipup. You had never labeled what the two of you were in the aftermath of everything, preferring to let it exist as it was.

Then you gave him a half-smile and gestured him in.

“I, uh, thought maybe we could bake something or, y’know, something,” you said, leading him into the kitchen. 

There were ingredients all over the counter, interspersed with bowls and measuring cups, and Osamu instantly recognized what you were after.

“Cinnamon rolls?” he asked, smiling at you. You flushed a bright red, letting him pull you in close so you could hide your face in his chest. “Yer too cute, _____.”

“Well, I missed cooking with you, ‘Samu,” you whispered, linking your fingers together behind his back. 

You sounded sad as you said it, and he rubbed your back to soothe you. “I missed it too, princess.”

The name slipped out so easily he didn’t even realize he had done it at first, but you nuzzled closer instead of pulling away like he expected. His throat closed up as he stared down at you and believed, for the first time since he had showed up at your apartment months ago, that things were really going to be okay.

“So, _____ wants som’a my cinnamon rolls,” he said, letting you go. You turned to face the counter and he studiously ignored the way you wiped at your eyes, instead examining the ingredients in front of him. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Do you remember when Atsumu and Bokuto tried the Cinnamon Challenge?” you wheezed a little while later as Osamu choked on some of the fine powder. He had been eyeing it in the measuring cup and sneezed, causing it to puff up into his face. He glared at you as he coughed, eyes watering while he pounded on his chest. You were _supposed_ to be getting him a glass of water, but your hands were shaking so bad you couldn’t do it.

“Yeah, and I understand now why it’s so unpleasant,” he croaked, nudging you out of the way so he could get his own glass. “I can’t believe those idjits tried it _twice_.”

“Oh can’t you?” you asked, taking deep breaths to recover. The image of them spitting out clouds of red cinnamon all over the kitchen would stick with you forever, and you snickered again. “Those two have one brain cell between them and Sakusa owns it.”

He breathed a sigh of relief as moisture returned to his mouth bracing himself up on his hands beside you, staring up at you with a mixture of amusement and feigned aggravation. “Remind me ta never trust ya to save my life again. I almost died and ya just stood there laughin’.”

“Well, it _was_ pretty funny,” you said, tapping your lip as you thought about it. It was Atsumu all over again, and you giggled. “I’ll try harder next time, I swear.”

“There won’ _be_ a next time, ya brat,” he grumbled, moving around you to stand in front of the mixing bowl again. “Now, are ya gonna help me or not? If ya don’t pull yer weight, I’ll eat all these by maself.”

Faking a shocked gasp, you crowded in beside him, picking up the measuring spoon he had dropped. “Pig.”

A little while later, the apartment was filled with the rich, warm aroma of baking sweets and you were curled up on the couch beside Osamu. Your legs were in his lap, his warm hand skimming up and down your calf while you watched Big Hero 6, much to his amusement.

But you seemed to be distracted, tensing up under his touch from time to time, your eyes unfocused when he would look over at you. At long last, you sighed and sat up, pulling your legs from his lap. Sitting cross-legged, you looked up at him and his mouth went dry.

“Uh, what’s up?” he asked, giving you his full attention. Whatever it was, you were serious about it and he was nervous.

Your heart was thrumming in your chest, even though what you were going to say was supposed to be _good_. But your insecurities cropped back up again, causing the words you thought you were ready to say to stick in your throat. Sure, neither you nor any of your friends had seen him so much as _look_ at Kana since he broke up with her and, yes, he had made a valiant effort to keep his promise, but was it _enough_?

You had thought it was, until it came down to saying it. So you were just sitting on the couch, staring up at him with slightly parted lips, and understanding dawned on his face.

His eyes softened as he reached out, grazing your cheek with his fingertips. “It’s okay. If ya aren’t ready– I’m here anyway.”

His words were like magic, warmth stilling the tidal wave of negative thoughts crashing inside you, and you leaned into his touch. His hand smoothed out, cupping your face, smiling when you did.

“It’s…okay, if you wanna call me your girlfriend again,” you said, staring into his eyes.

His smile turned into a smirk at that, and he pushed your face away. “What _else_ should I call ya? My little brat sounds more fitting for ya, don’t ya think?”

You scoffed and lunged at him, getting caught by the wrists before you could do anything. “I’ll show _you_ who’s a brat, you jackass. Here I am trying to be _cute_ and–”

“Well, ya’ve succeeded. Want yer prize?” he asked, wrestling you down into his lap. He was far stronger than you could ever hope to be holding you close with one arm.

You squirmed anyway, pushing at his face as you laughed. “I don’t remember you being this smooth before. You’ve been hanging out with ‘Tsumu too much.”

He snickered at that, finally letting you up only to be knocked down to the couch. He grunted in surprise as you straddled his hips, smirking down at him in triumph. Resting his hands on your thighs, he said, “I’ve always been this smooth, princess. Maybe I just dazzled ya so much ya missed it.”

“You are the _worst_ ,” you groaned, rolling your eyes. Osamu sat up underneath you and you looped your arms around his neck, the air growing thicker as his breaths mingled with yours.

Mischievous brown eyes dipped down to your lips and back up, a brow quirked in question. When you only cocked your head with a grin, he sighed and asked, “Mind if I kiss ya now?”

Instead of answering, you closed the distance between you, relaxing into his arms when your lips met. He groaned low in his throat, fingers tightening on your hips as your tongue delved into his mouth, tangling with his.

You were breathing heavy when you pulled apart, forehead coming to rest on his, and he gave you a lopsided smile. “Damn, I missed that.”

It was never like that with Kana, who was all about getting hot and heavy. Osamu realized that as he kissed you, lips soft against his, wearing one of his t-shirts that you had stolen again at some point and leggings, sitting on the secondhand couch the two of you had got from your parents.

You returned his grin, fingers carding through his hair, tilting his head to the side to kiss him again. 

The sound of the timer interrupted you, and you giggled when he pushed you backwards off his lap, shouting, “Rude!” at his retreating back.

The smell increased tenfold when he opened the oven, and you spent a good twenty minutes decorating the rolls with homemade icing, half of which ended up on your faces as you fought.

“I can think of better places ta lick this off,” he said as his tongue dragged over the smear of icing on your cheek, leaving a trail of drool behind.

You squealed, pushing his head away while swiping at the sticky wet path with the back of your hand. “Don’t push your luck, romeo. Keep it up and I’ll make you go home.” Osamu’s eyes lit up at that while yours narrowed. “What?”

“So ya were already plannin’ ta let me stay, huh?” he asked, advancing on you until you were crowded against the counter. There was still a dab of icing on his nose, and he smirked when it touched yours.

“Wha– I– I didn’t say that,” you said, but you sounded oddly unsure as your fingers curled in the collar of the hoodie he wore. “ _Maybe_ I would have let you sleep on the– on the couch…”

His lips had latched onto the side of your neck, nipping and sucking his way down to the curve of your shoulder, and he grinned in triumph when your breath hitched. 

His lips were hot against your skin, warmth erupting between your legs as he zeroed in on one of your pleasure spots, your back arching into him.

“Doesn’t sound like I’ll be sleepin’ on the couch tonight, princess,” he said, smirking as he trailed back up to your ear. Flicking the shell, his voice dropped, gravelly in you ear as he said, “I’ll bet ya the bed I can make ya cum in five minutes.”

“You’re on,” you said, your voice shaky. He was on his knees before you even stopped speaking, your leggings were all but ripped off by the time you were done.

He didn’t waste any time, flinging one leg over his shoulder and latching onto your clit, groaning around it as he suckled. His lithe fingers slid through your folds, gathering up the slick there and he pulled back for a moment to growl, “Already so wet for me, princess. Yer makin’ this too easy.”

“Shut up and– _fuck_ ,” you moaned, one of his fingers slipping into your needy cunt. It pumped in and out of you, seeking out your g-spot with laser precision before you were filled with a second one. Your fingers tightened in his hair, tugging roughly as he fingerfucked you with abandon, building the pleasure pooling in your gut.

He was moaning around your clit, lapping and sucking as he praised your taste and how good you felt while you whined at him, rocking your hips in time with his thrusts.

“‘Samu, _please_ ,” you begged, back arching as your head thumped against the cabinet.

He groaned, focusing on the swollen spot inside you, and said, “Cum for me, princess.”

You wailed, drenching his face as you came, thighs clamping down on his head and he just kept going even when you pushed at his head.

“‘Samu, ‘Samu, please,” you whined, hips squirming in his hold. 

He grinned up at you from between your legs, chin covered in your slick and a smug look in his lazy eyes as he said, “Guess I get ta sleep in the bed after all, huh?”

“Ha, I guess so. I’ll just sleep on the couch then,” you panted, pulling your pants back up. 

Osamu stood up as well, licking his lips in a satisfied manner before wiping his face clean with a paper towel. “Fine by me, princess. Better than sleepin’ beside ‘Tsumu’s room.”

“You are such an _asshole_ , Miya,” you said, pushing him back down onto the couch. He landed with a grunt and was quick to yank you down with him so that you were straddling his hips like earlier. “What, you think it’s _your_ turn?”

He laughed at that, fingers tangling in your hair and guiding your lips to his. “Maybe I do, or maybe I just wanted ta kiss ya. It has been six months since I got ta. Gotta make up fer lost time ‘n all that.”

You moaned into the kiss, tongues fighting playfully in your mouth as your hands slid up into his hair and pulled. He let you dominate without complaint, letting his hands wander up your sides to cup your breasts and back down to your thighs again. 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” you murmured, even though you were doing nothing to stop his sneaky hands. “I never said you could–”

He pulled back, hands suddenly finding your face. He was serious all of a sudden, and you were confused. It cleared up with a rush of warmth when he asked, “Ya _are_ okay with it, right? We don’t have ta do anything if ya aren’t ready, you know that right?”

It was like your first time all over again, when your boyfriend was constantly worried about if you were comfortable, causing you to giggle. “Yeah, ‘Samu. I’m okay with it. I’ve missed you so much, I just want–”

You squealed when you were picked up, legs locking around his hips while he held you up in his arms. He was littering your neck and jaw with soft kisses, broken by a whisper of, “I’ve missed ya too, _____. So fuckin’ much.”

You landed on the bed with a thump, bouncing once before you were pinned under his weight. He wasted no time in stripping the both of you, letting your clothes hit the floor without care, and then he was sitting up on his knees to admire you. Rough hands slid over your knees and down your thighs as he stared down at you with a warmth in his brown eyes that made you squirm.

Then he snickered and leaned over to kiss you, tongue slipping into your mouth again as his fingers finally found your clit. He swallowed the soft noise you made as he slipped inside you, walls still soaked from your previous orgasm and easing the way for his fingers.

“‘S-’Samu,” you moaned, pulling away from the kiss. Your hips rocked up to meet his thrusts, touch far too gentle to bring you anywhere near your orgasm, but you didn’t ask for more. “Feels so good. I missed you.”

He hummed against your cheek, hiding his smile against your skin as his heel rubbed against your clit. You clenched around him, fingers tugging at his hair when his lips found your nipple, rolling and sucking the taut bud between his teeth. Between moving to the other one, he breathed, “I missed ya too. Missed these too. So fuckin’ pretty.”

He pulled off your tit with a wet pop and withdrew his fingers. You whined at the loss, just basking in the attention he was lavishing you with even if it wasn’t enough to make you cum. You just wanted to be close to him, and your arms locked around his neck as he pulled your legs around his hips.

His lips were on yours again as he guided himself inside you, your pussy parting easily around him. Your back arched as he stretched you, moaning out his name as your fingers tangled in his hair. His warmth surrounded you, caged in his arms, chest brushing yours as he hilted inside you.

“Yer so damn tight, princess. So wet, feels so good,” he groaned, snapping his hips out and back in, feeling you squeeze around him. “Missed this so much.”

Your nails bit into his scalp as you held yourself to him, lips parted in pleasure as moans spilled from you. “‘Samu, ‘Samu, feels so good,” you babbled back at him.

He swallowed your sounds with a kiss before whispering, “Shh, princess, I got ya. Gonna take good care a ya from now on. I won’ let ya go again, I promise.”

He couldn’t tell if the tears were from how good you felt with his hips grinding into yours or from his words, but you hid your face in his neck and whined, “Don’t let me go, ‘Samu, please.”

At those words, he sat back on his heels and pulled you up with him, laughing when you clung to him as he slid back inside you. Pressing your forehead to his, you rolled your hips into his, bouncing on his cock.

“‘Samu, I love you,” you whispered, eyes fluttering closed at the feeling. “Please, please, don’t leave me again, I–”

He cut you off with a kiss, teeth colliding with yours in an effort to convey that he was there, he wasn’t leaving, wouldn’t leave you again. Tears were rolling down your cheeks now and he wiped them away with his thumbs, holding you as close as he could.

Pulling back, he whispered, “Never leavin’ ya again, baby. I swear it. Never want anyone but you again.” You whined at that, capturing his lips again before he fell back to the mattress, letting his hands guide the way you moved against him.

Every roll of your hips was dragging your clit across the curls at the base of his cock and he could feel you squeezing tight around him, moaning his name with every pass. He was lifting you up, helping you bounce as your fingers dug into the blanket on either side of his head. You were so beautiful to him with your cheeks flushed and lips parted, the feel of your tight cunt around him driving him towards his climax.

Braced on your hands, you hovered over him, eyes half-lidded as you focused on the way he felt inside you, brushing over the sweet spot as he pounded into you. “Gonna cum, ‘Samu,” you moaned, collapsing to your elbows. Your legs were shaking with the effort of moving and you found yourself flipped onto your back.

“Me too, pretty girl,” he whispered. He was on his elbows, hips pistoning into yours, cock twitching as you spasmed around him. “Come on, cum for me.”

Angling his hips up just right, he grazed your clit and you fell apart, back arching up off the bed as your nails dug into his arms. You wailed his name, legs locked around his hips to keep him in place and he choked as he came inside you. He rocked into you until you lay limp beneath him and even then, he didn’t pull out. Not that he could, with your arms around his neck pulling him down further, until he was fully resting on you.

Your pants mingled together and he nuzzled your nose until you gave in and kissed him. There were still tear tracks on your cheeks which he kissed away too, basking in the warmth between you, the feel of your body against his. 

Until that moment, he hadn’t realized just how worried he was that he would never get the opportunity to be this close to you again. Letting out a shuddery breath, he kissed you again, and again, and again, until you were breathless all over again.

“I meant it, I’m never lettin’ you go again,” he whispered between each one. You made a small noise of contentment in the back of your throat, trying to pull him even closer, though there was no space left between you. “I love ya, _____.”

Fresh tears were in your eyes and he kissed them away as they fell, his heart banging against his ribs as he tried to decide if that was good or bad. Probably a mix of both, that he had even made it necessary to reassure you of his affection in the first place. He would fight everyday to prove his words were true, no matter how many times you doubted him.

“I love you too, ‘Samu,” you whispered hoarsely.

You stayed like that for awhile, until your breathing started to even out, at which point he lifted himself off of you. 

Whining at the loss, you reached out for him again only to be pulled into his arms, your head tucked into his neck while he rubbed your back. He chuckled when you squirmed closer and said, “I forgot how needy ya got after sex. It’s still adorable.”

“‘Samu, shut up. ‘M tired,” you mumbled, tangling your legs with his. His hand came up to cover yours and you listened to his laughter rumble in his chest. “You’re so annoying.”

“Tha’s not what ya were sayin’ earlier, princess,” he said, earning himself a smack.

“I’m going to smother you if you don’t shut up right now,” you said, pulling on the pillow behind you. 

He caught your wrist before it connected with his face and said, “Careful, princess. Yer gonna get me goin’ again.”

As if to prove his point, you could feel him against your thigh, half-hard, and groaned. “Why are you _like this_?”

“Gotta make up for lost time, don’ I?” he said, rolling over and pinning you to the bed again. “Better get ready, princess. We got all night.”

–

“Wait, you’re what now?” you asked, pausing mid-sip to stare at Osamu across the table. “Paris?”

He nodded, watching your reaction carefully. Your eyebrows furrowed, your lips turning down as you set the glass back down on the table. “Ta study culinary arts. I’ve found someone willin’ ta teach me there, and it’d be a good opportunity.”

There was a brief flicker of something across your face, maybe insecurity, maybe fear, but it was gone in a flash, leaving Osamu to wonder whether he imagined it or not. You nodded, stirring your straw and staring into the swirling drink thoughtfully. “You’re right. It’s an amazing opportunity, ‘Samu. You’re gonna take it, right?”

He watched you still more closely and finally picked up on what he’d been afraid of, that little glimmer of doubt that you were trying so hard to hide. You were putting on a brave face for him, but even after almost a year, he still caught the signs of insecurity in you. It had eased up, for which he was thankful, but it still twisted him up inside to see it at all.

“I want to,” he said, evading giving you a straight answer. He didn’t want to see the fear that he knew would come with his revelation, though he knew he would have to face it soon enough. “I haven’ decided–”

“You should take it,” you said, cutting him off. His eyes widened at the blunt tone, but he didn’t find the doubt he expected, and you didn’t stumble over your words. “You’ll come back, right? You shouldn’t pass up an opportunity like this because of me or anyone else. It’s always been your dream, so you should go.”

His mouth dropped open but no words came out, his thoughts tangling up in his head as he tried to process what you were saying. Of course, he had expected you to tell him he should go, but not with such assuredness. “Are ya– Are ya sure? Yer not upset or–?”

Then you smiled and he could see the sadness blighting your security, but you shook your head. “It’s been hard, ‘Samu, you know it has. Trusting you again has been really tough, but I can’t, and don’t want, to hold you back for selfish reasons. Promise me you’ll come back, and we can deal with the rest as it comes, ‘kay?”

He just stared at you, blinking rapidly, and then–

“Come with me.”

The words poured out before he could think them through, and it was your turn to blink. 

“Pardon?”

“To France. To Paris. You’ll have graduated by the time I leave, so why not?” he said, quickly catching up to what his brain had decided. You were still staring at him with confusion, then you hummed.

Resting your head in your hand, you said, “Paris, huh? You plannin’ something while we’re there, Miya? It is the city of romance, after all.”

Osamu chuckled at that, settling against the back of the booth. “We got enougha that already, doll. But if a Paris proposal is what ya want, all ya had ta do was ask.”

Your laughter filled his ears, and he could finally see that you were really _thinking_ about his offer. It was a serious thing, moving across the world for someone who had hurt you once already, and he would be hurt but not exactly surprised if you didn’t want to risk that. He waited with baited breath as you hummed again, staring up at one of the posters hanging above your head.

“Paris would be pretty nice, I guess. I wonder if I’ll be able to find a job there,” you murmured, and jumped when Osamu gasped.

“Wait, ya mean–?”

“Yeah, sure. Why not? A fresh start for us might not hurt,” you said, laughing when he jumped around the table to sit beside you. 

Peppering your face with kisses, he said, “Yer the best, babe. Ya won’t regret it, I promise.”

The waitress came by at that moment with your food, smiling lightly at the way Osamu was acting, and you flushed red.

“I already do. Get off me before we get kicked out for indecency,” you said, poking him in the side.

He smirked at that, thanking the waitress before whispering in your ear, “Oh, we’ll be indecent soon enough, but I can wait ‘til we’re home, at least.”

Groaning, you hid your face in your hands while he laughed, feeling at last like things were falling into place the way he’d always wanted. As he looked at you, your shoulders shaking with laughter into your hands, he pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

“I love ya, _____. Always will, if you’ll have me.”


End file.
